This morning, around 5:30 while still half asleep, but awake enough to still hear my kitty , Bonnie, crying downstairs (she does that a lot in the early mornings because she hates being the only one awake in the house…lol) Well when she meowed, I faintly heard her and the first thing that came to mind was how she sounded like a little boy all alone in a prison cell – cold, alone and weeping.
THEN, I began thinking of Jesus all alone in His holding cell prison cell they pushed Him in after His arrest to await His mock trial some hours later. I realized our Lord , as the Son of Man, truly did feel alone, abandoned, hurt, afflicted.. and He felt vulnerable like a young boy shoved in a stone cell — separated from all who loved Him and exposed to those who hated Him.. many who were infested with demons .
The Father was with Jesus (Yeshua) and yet, He also experienced that “dark night of the soul” as many of the saints later experienced, where while His spirit knew by faith that His Father was there with Him, His mind and His soul were kept from enjoying the consolation and sense of His Father’s presence . It was as though He was in spiritual darkness while in the physical darkness and He had to rely totally on blind faith.
I felt so sad for Him.. realizing He felt like a hurting young boy..And Mary, His mother.. after she was informed her Son was arrested, dropped everything to be where He was… even if she had to stand outside of the gates and see Him from afar. She didn’t want to be separated from Him and couldn’t get there fast enough .. one or more of the disciples possibly had made sure to inform her of what had transpired hours earlier before the other villagers were awake. Mary Magelene also would not remain behind.. but ran with her. (It reminds me of Naomi and Ruth.. Ruth insisted on leaving her country to travel with the older Naomi back to Isreal, even at cost to herself)
I could see how it brought back memories of decades past when she and Joseph had thought they had lost Him … and for three days searched for Him until they found Him in the Temple in Jerusalem- about His Father’s business. That familiar despair she experienced returned once again, but this time she knew where He was, and she knew that this was the end. She would find Him but He would not be coming back to her in the way He had decades earlier.
While thinking of all these things and how cold and alone our Lord Jesus felt, I wanted to hold Him and make Him feel comforted. I wanted to hug Him and put a warm blanket on Him. And when I thought this, I felt all His love well up within me,… It almost paralyzed me ! I had never experienced such a rush of love like that to be quite honest with you. He infused in me a greater love for Him.. my icy heart somehow melted while contemplating His suffering. I heard Him deep within me say , “Oh, what I would not do for you!” and I understood that when He said that, He was referring to ALL mankind.. even the most obnoxious of us… The Holy Spirit made me feel that “you” was not only referring to me, but to all from every age to the end of time.
This experience affected me the entire day at my job.. I am compelled to share it here online. What He suffered for us.. What He would not give to purchase us!.. His words will not leave my consciousness now.. they are branded in my heart along with the memory of His overwhelming rush of love I felt upon me as I thought about Him alone in that cell, like a vulnerable son .. a lamb amongst wolves.
Jesus- King in Exile 